What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner's on me tonight!
What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A CAT astorophe
What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES - There is a mile between the first and last letters!
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
“Give me my quarterback!”
Why didn't the orange finish the race?
Because it ran out of juice.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they are stuffed
What did the baby corn say to the mom corn?
"Where's pop corn?"
What do you call an accidental bird collision?
A feather bender
What kind of dog tells time?
A watch dog
Why do melons have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe
Why was 7 afraid of 8?
Because 8 ate 9
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out
Why wouldn't the Energizer Bunny come out of the bathroom?
Because he kept goin! and goin! and goin!
Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one baby asks the other, “Are you a little girl or a little boy?”
The other baby shrugs. “I don’t know how to tell the difference.”
“I do,” says the first baby. He carefully climbs out of his crib and into the other crib, then disappears beneath the blankets. After a few seconds, he resurfaces.
“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he says.
“How can you tell?”
“Easy. You’ve got pink booties, and I’ve got blue ones.”
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts to!
Why did the orange go out with the prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.