What do you call exploding underwear?
Fruit of the BOOM
When don't stop lights go swimming?
They take too long to change
A man took his date to a zoo. They were disappointed to find that it only contained one animal: a dog.
It was a shitzu.
What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
When do you go on red and stop on green?
When you are eating a watermelon
Why do blind men not sky dive?
It scares the hell out of the dog
What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
You looked a bit flushed
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, then what kind of
tree does a chicken come from?
How do you stop a charging rhinoceros?
Take away his credit card
What did the termite say when he walked into a bar?
IS the bar tender here
What stays in a corner yet travels all over the world?
Duck walks up to the road. Looks both ways and starts to cross. Chicken standing near him says, Dude, you will never hear the end of this.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the Mooovies
Where is the best place to park a dog?
In a barking lot.
What do porcupines say after they kiss?
Why did half the chicken cross the road?
To get to its other half
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
The cow sat down
Where do ants live?
Usually with uncles
What did the cake say to the knife?
You cut me up
Why was the little strawberry crying?
Because his parents were in a jam
What do you get when you cross a fish with two elephants?
What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
What do you call a man in a lion's den?
What kind of phone does a turtle have?
A shell phone
How did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut.
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.
What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled,
"The meaning of dreams"
what has 4 wheels and "flys" ?
A garbage truck
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
What kind of movies do pirates watch?
Anything rate AARRRRRRR
What do you call a broken escalator?
What did the bacon say to the tomato?
Lettuce get together
Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me?
Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
Let us prey
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!
Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.
What falls down but never gets hurt?
Snow or rain
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot
What did the fruit tree say to the farmer?
Stop picking on me
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Did you hear the one about the toilet?
Never mind...it's too dirty.
How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon ?